The Dude: Look before you leap – What's In Your Wallet? By the Dude We have all heard that stupid commercial – "What's in your wallet?"  "It's like everywhere you go – it's like everywhere you want to be."  Anyway, there is another less commercial expression about wisdom - It says that after years of making mistakes one day you look back and call it wisdom or some shit like that.  The point is The Dude never makes mistakes; he makes wisdom when it comes to single chicks that want him as much as he wants them.  But, today's dudeness lesson involves knowing what you got on you – be it a Jimmy Hat, money or fake ID.  After all, you need to know where you can go, what kind of girl you can afford – and we are not talking about hookers – we are talking about real ones because they all come with a price tag. Dinners aren't not free you know.  Gifts are not free.  Ain't anything free when it comes to chicks.     So, we know that now – broads are expensive and any dude worth his salt needs to understand the broad he is looking to bang.  Case in point, the dude recalls a time when he was barely past 21 at a club with some bonehead friends of his that had absolutely no chance of getting laid.  However, The Dude decided he wanted to go bag the hottest broad in the bar – so happens it was a bartender preparing her lemons and limes for the evening.  Thankfully the bar was mostly empty.  We got there very early to nip a cheap happy hour buzz base in the bud – this was probably our first mistake.  You see, girls aren't impressed by guys that have to go to happy hour to drink cheaply – they are impressed by guys that don't give a rat's ass what hour it is – because he can afford to.  Now not all dudes got the kind of duckets and bling to live that kind of Diddy lifestyle, but you got common dude sense.  So, therefore, you have to mask your dude deficiencies.  I thought at the time I did a good job of masking mine, but I was woefully wrong.   Nonetheless, if you want to learn to ride the meanest bull in the bar, you got to go put some nickel in that mechanical bull.  Otherwise you never learn.  The Dude did just that.  The Dude sauntered up the bar like he was king shit, all while this smokin' hot bartender was talking to her smokin' hot friend, about who knows what – an elaborate lesbian scenario?  How they wanted to tag team me later that evening?   It is hard to say and I was... hard at the moment thinking about what to say.  I used the "split the broad technique" and knifed my way coolly (or so I thought) in between them.  The hot bartender eyed me up curiously and skeptically.  I interrupted their conversation – my second mistake.  "Something I can get for you?" she said, beginning to look at me like why the fuck are my younger brothers' friends hanging out here now? "Make it a Jack and Coke," I said matter-of-dudely.  "Can I see your ID?" she said.  Now this is a bad, bad,  freaking sign.  I should have not even showed it to her at all.  After all, I was not there for the drink; I was there for the pink!  But, I was cornered by the fault of my own making.  I tried to act cool as shit, but it was impossible to save face now.  I got ID'd by the broad I was trying to pick up.  I put my hand in my back pocket for my wallet.  I didn't even look at my wallet – BIGGEST MISTAKE I MADE YET – as I flipped the pass case style money holder open.  I just showed her the front, while I saw the back of my black wallet, which hid her upturned nose.  I pretended like it was no big deal. "Here it is – now my drink please." There was a pause.  "Ah, THAT is your buss pass," she said, as laughter and giggles exploded from her friend.  "What the fu…How did that get in there?" My face turned red.  Her friend was merciless (as well she should have been).  "Eh, are you going to take us home on the bus later tonight?" More laughter.  The Dude bombed out big time, creating more wisdom.  Ha, says The Dude.  That was then and this now.  I look back on that and call it luck which is why you need to listen to me when it comes to broads.  In some sense, I've made the mistakes for you so you don't have to reinvent the booty call each and every time.  I did all the hard work, man, don't you feel bad for me?  I mean, it's tough work all this mack daddy stuff. So anytime you approach a chick or group of chicks under any circumstances whatsoever – take a mental note about what's in your wallet.  Do you have the jimmy hat?  Do you have all rumpled ones or fat crisp twenties?  Do you have the high limit credit card to impress her or simply your Blockbuster Video card?  You need to know what's going on in all aspects of every one of your tools.  Otherwise, you may find yourself on the hard road of wisdom like The Dude did.  With that in mind, always ask yourself before you make your move: What's in your wallet?